April 1

I don't generally do the April Fool's thing - it takes too much thought and effort to come up with something clever. And I don't usually plan too far in advance. Which is why I also would not be good at the whole revenge thing...

Fact - I have 8 open tabs - 6 are Match.com and 2 are POF. One is a woman I have written before so I won't say more about her than that. So, seven open tabs...

First letter - match.com 38 year old - I live within her circle of passion, er, desire, er distance - but am too old - so I fear this is G&G - still, worth a shot, right?

Second letter - POF 38 year old who lives in NY State - very short profile - succinct even. But because of the distance - and probably age - I doubt I will hear back. Who am I kidding? There is no way in hell. I don't think anyone has written back in months! Ok, that is a slight exaggeration, but not far off the mark...

Third Letter - 44 year old POF woman not too far away - again, a very brief profile - letting her pics do the heavy lifting - dropped her a decent note.

Fourth letter - 49 year old Match.com woman - not a long distance away - I am even within her age limit! Wow! She looked at my profile and didn't write - which is probably a bad sign - but I believe in taking the bull by the born, damning the torpedoes and all that crap. Ok, I don't really, but I thought I would write her on the off chance that she is one.four in a thousand...

Fifth letter - 42 year old who match woman - I don't live in her circle of preference - but I do match her age. Sadly she is looking for a "MAN" which I take to mean a GQ model with lots of money. I am only a man - a moderately handsome guy who gets by. And I don't eat car parts and poop gold. She says she wants Funny - I have said this elsewhere - I call bullshit. Most women say this and then just about anything else trumps that desire. How do you know someone is funny if you don't communicate with them? I can be funny - even when writing - if given the opportunity. Humor, for me, needs to be tailored to the audience. Humor is not generic - generally...

Closed the next tab - getting towards profile burnout for the morning...

Sixth letter - 47 year old woman match woman - within her distance and age range (for another week)(age that is) - though she likes boating and skiing - two activities in which I rarely participate - the last time I went skiing was in high school - and it was cross country - and I don't really like the water - why - you may ask, am I writing. Who the heck knows at this point? Flinging spaghetti at the fridge and seeing if it sticks, I guess...I made a funny, I think - though it might be too obscure for her - she said she wanted someone driven - I said I didn't have a chauffeur. Tee hee?

Seventh letter - a 45 year old match - older than the 50 she is looking for - her profile sounded a little bitter and jaded - but I really liked her handle and was curious what she meant by it. Will I hear back? Hahahahaha. Ha.

And that's all for now - tabs all closed. Time for a nap.