So, I really went for it - I did everything except change my relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." If I had, I probably would have put "it's complicated" because, honestly, it was complicated. Note the past tense here. If you hadn't gathered, the long distance relationship has ended.
Two weeks is about the length of most of my LDRs it seems. Or six weeks perhaps. Or three years. Hard to say. How to count the time? From when you first started communication? Or from when things changed from "this is nice" to "hey, we both really like each, don't we." The end time is usually much easier to determine.
All in all, I had a pleasant time. I miss not having someone to write to at all hours of the night and day with thoughts - and knowing that I would get a response in a fairly timely manner to some of what I had written. And there were other pleasant parts. Some, not so pleasant, but I don't plan on a) airing my soiled clothing (or whatever the phrase is...) here or anywhere and b) I don't like to dwell on the negative and c) I don't like to live in the past, generally. Though I do quite a bit of that when writing, don't I? Hmm...
So, it is back to the drawing board. I have started cruising OKC and Match and POF again. I don't think I will go back to the uber boring noting of all the messages I send and responses I don't get. That was just too tedious for words. So, thank the LDR for making me stop that at least. I might, actually, start to write about my thoughts on Relationships.
One of the sad things about the end of the recent LDR was that she had been excited to help me with my books - not going to happen now. I still need someone to help me clean-up the Relationship book - and someone who is really clever, detail oriented and designedly amazing to help me with my self-help book. Yes, writing a book takes a village! :)
Showing posts with label romantic relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label romantic relationship. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Variations of Gender attraction vis a vis dating and relationships
This sounds like a sociological study - doesn't it! Sometimes I wish I had studied more social science. Anthropology, Sociology - that sort of thing. But I didn't. Except through osmosis and 50+ years of living...
What follows are some thoughts that started in a thread with a correspondent. I know that I have written some of these same thoughts in my relationship book. Sigh - it sits on the computer and on the shelf - unedited and abandoned. Maybe I will get it done one day. Still looking for a female editor/co-writer...
Gender comes in a wide range of flavors - where straight men are concerned I would say the gamut runs from Masculine men through men who are balanced with their male and female natures to effeminate men. As straight men, we all prefer women to be our sexual partners - but the women who appeal to us differ. Masculine men I would think would be more interested in Feminine women. Men in the middle might gravitate to women in the middle and men who are more effeminate might like stronger, more masculine women. Of course, this is broad stroke generalizing - this isn't true in all cases, but I think it could sort of be true overall. As an independent woman, one is more apt to attract either a man who is not as independent or someone who is in the middle more than someone who sees himself as the rugged manly man who might feel himself a knight in shining armor.
What the percentages are, I don't know. Is it a bell curve? With most men falling on either side and few in the middle - a very pointy curve perhaps. Life is fairly replete with bell curve distribution - with lots of different shapes to said curve style.
By the way, I am 52-3, 6'1" head full of darkish hair and a pretty good body - yoga works wonders for me. So, yes, I do expect a certain level of attractiveness in a potential partner. Am I out of line? Expecting too much? I am not expecting a 25 year old who works part time as a model and spends the rest of her time as a stock broker or research scientist. I am hoping for a women who is mature, capable, together and is reasonably attractive. Age could be anywhere from 21 (tee hee) - ok - 35 (I know that's still pretty young) to 65 (though I think this as unlikely as the 35 year old).
When I meet someone, I do hope for sparks. And if not sparks, at least mutual interest. If there is that, we can go forward and meet again. One woman I met twice and I just couldn't see going any further. If there is effort involved, the deal is usually no deal. She was pleasant and I would have been happy being friends with her - but when it comes to friends, that requires effort as well. Friendly is easy - acquaintance - not so hard - friends - harder - good friends - harder still - best friend or significant relationship - more time and more harderer. And friendship is even more challenging when it is mostly a one sided affair. At all levels.
What follows are some thoughts that started in a thread with a correspondent. I know that I have written some of these same thoughts in my relationship book. Sigh - it sits on the computer and on the shelf - unedited and abandoned. Maybe I will get it done one day. Still looking for a female editor/co-writer...
Gender comes in a wide range of flavors - where straight men are concerned I would say the gamut runs from Masculine men through men who are balanced with their male and female natures to effeminate men. As straight men, we all prefer women to be our sexual partners - but the women who appeal to us differ. Masculine men I would think would be more interested in Feminine women. Men in the middle might gravitate to women in the middle and men who are more effeminate might like stronger, more masculine women. Of course, this is broad stroke generalizing - this isn't true in all cases, but I think it could sort of be true overall. As an independent woman, one is more apt to attract either a man who is not as independent or someone who is in the middle more than someone who sees himself as the rugged manly man who might feel himself a knight in shining armor.
What the percentages are, I don't know. Is it a bell curve? With most men falling on either side and few in the middle - a very pointy curve perhaps. Life is fairly replete with bell curve distribution - with lots of different shapes to said curve style.
By the way, I am 52-3, 6'1" head full of darkish hair and a pretty good body - yoga works wonders for me. So, yes, I do expect a certain level of attractiveness in a potential partner. Am I out of line? Expecting too much? I am not expecting a 25 year old who works part time as a model and spends the rest of her time as a stock broker or research scientist. I am hoping for a women who is mature, capable, together and is reasonably attractive. Age could be anywhere from 21 (tee hee) - ok - 35 (I know that's still pretty young) to 65 (though I think this as unlikely as the 35 year old).
When I meet someone, I do hope for sparks. And if not sparks, at least mutual interest. If there is that, we can go forward and meet again. One woman I met twice and I just couldn't see going any further. If there is effort involved, the deal is usually no deal. She was pleasant and I would have been happy being friends with her - but when it comes to friends, that requires effort as well. Friendly is easy - acquaintance - not so hard - friends - harder - good friends - harder still - best friend or significant relationship - more time and more harderer. And friendship is even more challenging when it is mostly a one sided affair. At all levels.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Relationship Blog - A Month (more or less) in dating
Hi. My name is Augustus and I might very well be a blogaholic - and perhaps a date-aholic. Or maybe a relationship-aholic. Or maybe an aholiic-aholic. I love adding -aholic to things. Don't know why. Just do. Where was I? Oh, yeah...
I have decided to document my attempts at finding a romantic relationship over the course of the next month as best as I can. Of course, I might just find one, and then, well, who knows. I might document that. We shall see. I do know that I put a lot of time and effort into the search for a significant other. So I might as well put a little bit more in and document what I am doing. Joy and rapture!
I have been mostly single off and on since my divorce in 1991. I don't know if I was really in a romantic relationship then, either, but it passed for one. Between then and now, I have dated a bunch and have had some monogamous romantic relationships, none of which lasted much more than a year. For what those relationships were, they were great. I am happy to have met all the people I have met, been with all the people I have been with and grateful for the opportunity to experience the experiences I have experienced. I would, though, really like to sink into a nice, long meaningful romantic relationship/partnership.
Given my history, though, is this a realistic hope? Maybe I am not wired for having long term romantic relationships. Then again, maybe I have just made choices that have led me to have shorter relationships and different choices will lead to different results. I was with my wife for most of four years and that has been my longest relationship. Ever. My work life mirrors this issue - I have never really been in a given job for more than 5 years. Hmm, maybe not more than three years...
Still, hope springs eternal
During the course of the next month (at least), I plan to write about my thoughts and feelings and actions in regards to relationships. I will do my best to be as straightforward and honest as possible, without causing undue consternation by anyone who might be referenced here. Part of me would love to post links to the various people to whom I will be referring, but that might be going a little overboard. Then again, if anyone is really curious, I might be willing to provide links to their profiles upon request. In direct email. I mean heck, their privacy is already somewhat compromised from them placing their profiles on the internet, right?
By the way, as some of you may know, I have a draft (not finished by a long stretch) of a relationship book lying around in my room somewhere. I think it is a good, insightful, honest book and should be out in the world. So, if anyone knows someone who would like to collaborate on it (in other words, work on it with me for free and share profits if there are ever any), please send them my way. Or if you know a nice woman...Or both.
I have decided to document my attempts at finding a romantic relationship over the course of the next month as best as I can. Of course, I might just find one, and then, well, who knows. I might document that. We shall see. I do know that I put a lot of time and effort into the search for a significant other. So I might as well put a little bit more in and document what I am doing. Joy and rapture!
I have been mostly single off and on since my divorce in 1991. I don't know if I was really in a romantic relationship then, either, but it passed for one. Between then and now, I have dated a bunch and have had some monogamous romantic relationships, none of which lasted much more than a year. For what those relationships were, they were great. I am happy to have met all the people I have met, been with all the people I have been with and grateful for the opportunity to experience the experiences I have experienced. I would, though, really like to sink into a nice, long meaningful romantic relationship/partnership.
Given my history, though, is this a realistic hope? Maybe I am not wired for having long term romantic relationships. Then again, maybe I have just made choices that have led me to have shorter relationships and different choices will lead to different results. I was with my wife for most of four years and that has been my longest relationship. Ever. My work life mirrors this issue - I have never really been in a given job for more than 5 years. Hmm, maybe not more than three years...
Still, hope springs eternal
During the course of the next month (at least), I plan to write about my thoughts and feelings and actions in regards to relationships. I will do my best to be as straightforward and honest as possible, without causing undue consternation by anyone who might be referenced here. Part of me would love to post links to the various people to whom I will be referring, but that might be going a little overboard. Then again, if anyone is really curious, I might be willing to provide links to their profiles upon request. In direct email. I mean heck, their privacy is already somewhat compromised from them placing their profiles on the internet, right?
By the way, as some of you may know, I have a draft (not finished by a long stretch) of a relationship book lying around in my room somewhere. I think it is a good, insightful, honest book and should be out in the world. So, if anyone knows someone who would like to collaborate on it (in other words, work on it with me for free and share profits if there are ever any), please send them my way. Or if you know a nice woman...Or both.
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