Feb 19

Wow, I have a lot of open tabs. Will I or won't I write to the 15 people or will I whittle away at them as I realize that "correspondence is futile." (Yes, I have been binge watching Star Trek, TNG. Sigh.)

What I did do is send a message to a woman who has been weighing on my mind a bit. I first wrote her on the 17th and although she looked at my profile, a couple of times, she didn't write. Maybe she doesn't like to initiate correspondence. Maybe she is swamped with all of the letters she has been getting. Maybe I really, really seemed icky, gross and disgusting and she couldn't bear the thought of communicating with me. Or maybe, she picked up some vibe from my profile that warned her off. Or maybe one of 8 gazillion reasons. Whatever. Really, what she thinks is none of my business. (This thought, by the way, is from one of the interpersonal training workshops that I have attended over the years. And it is a powerful one. The "take-away" from it is that what other people think or believe or feel really has nothing to do with me. It is all their stuff. And as such (it being their stuff and nor really related to me) is none of my business.) But I drafted a decent second note - even got a second opinion on it, and finally sent it off today. Will I hear back? I hope so. Do I think I will hear back? Nope. Not pessimism - realism. Anyone who is reading this (is anyone reading this?) will have noticed that I get about 1 in ten responses. So the odds are just plain bad that she will respond. Moving on.

I guess part of the issue is just how serious someone is when they say they are willing to just make new friends even if it doesn't lead to a relationship. Generally I have found this to be untrue. Or not untrue exactly, but not something that ever happens. I do my best to keep a correspondence going - or a friendship even. But both a correspondence and a friendship take certain levels of effort and consistency that seems difficult to sustain.

Ok, I would like to write a few messages before going on with other things - I think I will start with the ones that have been "parked" in tabs the longest and move to the newer found ones.

First Note - OKC Woman - 37 years old - 84% Match, 79% Friend, 4% Enemy - that's pretty good, right?! She does say she is bisexual and last time I checked I was one of the two genders. So far, so good. She caps her age limit at 50 but I am well with her distance parameter - maybe. Near Me to one person means 50 yards, to another means 100 miles. Sigh. Anyway, honestly, I think she is looking for a bunch of friends more than she is specifically looking for a relationship at this point. So near me, probably means more like the 50 yards than the hours drive away that I am. Hmm, to write or not to write. Well, I will at least drop her a line. I know I like to get nice emails even if it doesn't lead to a relationship or anything...

Second Note - Match woman - 47 - she had no distance limit mentioned, so I wrote - she hasn't been online in a while - so I don't think that is ever a good sign for getting a response - and she likes some things that might indicate less than optimal matchiness. I just sent her a pleasant note - nothing too fancy.

Third note - Match woman - 53 - not too far away - though her top age limit is 50 - interesting, that. Not much to her profile. And she says she is trying to quit smoking. Sigh. Some survey said that only 20 percent of the population smokes. I would think that is inaccurate from my observations. I think that only 20 percent admit to smoking...anyway, I wrote her a short, not too exciting note. Ice breaker is about it.

You know, I don't know how I would feel if the woman I was actually attracted the most to wrote back. Would I immediately get buyer's remorse? Or would I be thrilled? And if it all came down to, in Joni Mitchell's words "smoking ash" after a bit of communication, would I be happier or sadder in my life? Or in the greater scope of things, does any of it really matter? Anyway...Well, she did write back with a nice letter saying I was too interesting for the point in her life at which she finds herself. Her loss. Next. (Also from an interpersonal communication class I took - a very helpful thing indeed.)

Fourth note - OKC woman - 46 years old - in a town nearby - 93% Match - 87% Friend and 7% Enemy - come on - it doesn't get much better than that. Then again, maybe she only answered 10 questions, so the sample isn't that large...I sent her a decent first note. (She responded...)(A couple of notes and then nothing...)

I decided not to write one of the woman I had tabbed. Moving forward...

And another - because, well, I think she is too country and I am too rock and roll - er urban.

And another not being written to - the match percentages aren't that high and though she has an interesting profile, I just am not feeling it. Perhaps it is because of the pleasant rejection I just received, or maybe I am just not in the mood...

Fifth note - OKC woman who showed up in my quiver - OKC puts 3 people they think are really good matches into a special tab called a quiver. I have found that most of the time, I am not all that thrilled by my quiver-ites. Every once in a while there is a decent one, though. This one was 51 and lives in the big apple - so too far, really. She had a lovely profile and seemed like a person it would be nice to get to know. At the end of her profile, though, she said she would not respond to anyone who had not been married and divorced or who had not had children. I sent her a note anyway, not expecting a reply. We will call this one G&G.

Sixth note - though this is really a second note to someone who didn't respond to my first nice note. Yes, this note was nice too. I don't generally write mean notes - though I am sometimes tempted to. Expectations - not so high, despite high ratings - OKC woman - 47 - not too far - 94% match - 81% Friend and 10% enemy - and she won't even bother to write back, I bet. Yup, working out my frustrations through blogging about them. Yippee!

Ok, going to skip the next one too - I just think she looks too somber. Looks can be deceiving of course, but still...

Seventh Note - POF - 45 year old living not too far away - one word profile text which is a little bit of a warning - meaning that she isn't all that invested in the process. So I doubt I will hear from her.

Eighth Note - Match.com - 49 year old lives not a long way off - I was excited by her profile and pictures and got a little less so after I sent the message. She is also looking for someone secure financially - not me - and from some things in her profile, she is not as free spirited as I thought she was. Oh well. (Wrote a not very clear response note - I got the sense that she wasn't interested in getting to know me better, but I wrote back for clarification)

Just exed another. She looked at my profile and had an empty profile herself. I was tempted, butI just wasn't up for it.

I wrote a second note to a match woman. Match said she looked at my profile again - though I don't know that that is necessarily true. So just a brief note to say I was still interested. Not really holding out much hope, though...

Feb 18

I have 6 tabs full of people waiting to be written notes. Whether or not I will end up writing them is anyone's guess. My mind is sort of full of a couple of other people just now. We shall see.

First note for G&G - Match woman who is 52 - lives not so far away - but I could tell from her profile, we just don't have anything in common - at all. She has oodles of pictures posted and I just admired her energy. So I wrote. 

Second note - probably for G&G as well - Match woman who is 43 - her age limit is up to 60, though! And I live within her distance circle. She says she wants a "down-to-earth" guy - which makes me think she is probably too conservative to be interested in the likes of me. Still, I am in a typing mood (while I wait 24 hours to re-write one who didn't respond last night).

Third note - Match woman - 53 - probably the one I am most interested in so far of the three I have written today. She had a very clear profile - paragraphs and everything - gave me a good feeling. One red flag that suggests she might not (probably won't) write back - wanting a guy who smells good (I tried wearing cologne for a week back in college and I couldn't handle it!).

TDP - Too damn pretty. Just a thought I had and I do tend to get my thoughts out and down as often as possible. Even if posterity doesn't care, I at least got it out of my brain. Yay! Anyway, some people are just TDP. Must suck to be them...

Feb 16

First Note - written to a person with out a picture posted - always a bit of a red-flag - are they particularly shy? Privacy conscious? Two headed? I am always hoping for the last...Anyway, she is 50, on OKC (73% Match, 80% Friend, 17% Enemy) and lives a little far away, but not too far for our dauntless letter writer to drop her a line! (She wrote back already.)

Second Note - I wrote this woman last summer and never heard back - she apparently stopped by my profile recently. She didn't respond to my first message back then and I don't think she will reply to my message this time. But, heck, I have fingers, I shall type. Oh, 47, OKC ( 64% match, 70% friend, 24% enemy and I rated her profile 4 stars (I have never rated anyone's profile 5 stars - though there was one woman I was sorely tempted to give five stars - maybe is she had written back...but I digress) and lives relatively close. And from her profile sounds like someone I would be happy to meet. I went back to check out her %'s and saw the first note I sent back in June. Remarkably similar (which is why I am remarking on it, I guess) to my previous note. Which got no reply. Honestly, I was a little smitten by her and her profile and was more than usually minorly miffed when I didn't hear back. Whatever, I have no control over other people's choices (unless they give it to me...)

Third Note - OKC - 41 (Match 51%, friend 61%, Enemy 30%) written for G&G mostly. I thought her profile had a sense of humor and kept me reading, which is a good thing. She lives not a long way off - I am over her age range (up to 48) - all in all, not expecting a response of "sure, let's get to know each other). My guess, a look at my profile (maybe) and no message at all.

There's another thing that I like about OKC. It keeps track of how many times someone responds (whether this is just the initial response, or what, I don't know - it is their set of algorithms) and then has a little notation about "responds selectively" or "responds often" (boy do I feel a teeny kick in the gonads when someone who responds often doesn't even bother to respond...)

Feb 13

One of the Match women wrote back last night. She wrote a lovely long message but didn't indicate, to me at least, if she wanted to continue communication or not. She asked no real questions (though one sentence ended in a question mark) and didn't say anything overt about looking forward to getting to know me. Ah well, everyone communicates differently. All I can do is continue onward. So I sent her a note in return. We shall see what happens.

It is early-ish in the morning - time to write a few notes before getting the rest of my day started. I am starting on my "likes" on match.

First note - 39 year old match woman who wants a guy up to 45 (oops) but the distance seems ok. Actually, upon reviewing her profile more, I don't think I will actually write to her.

First note - 45 year old match woman who lives within a mutually acceptable travel distance. I am a smidge older than her desired age range allows, but not horrendously...Not much in her profile but enough to make it clear that she isn't illiterate. Yay for literacy! She says her politics are "middle of the road." Is that code for basically conservative? If so, I doubt I will hear from her. Not my best effort, but not too shoddy either.

I find that I cannot "unlike" someone or their picture. What is that about? Nor can I delete them from my likes on Match.

Second note - 40 year old match woman (only interested up to 48 but she is willing to look further afield than many (100 miles) and she is worth a note. Heck, really, anyone is worth a note but I think you know what I mean...ok, that one was pretty good. I had a mini-inspiration and wrote - I have taken the first step - will you take the second? Ok, seriously, I doubt I will hear from her but I had fun with the note!

Third Note - 44 year old OKC woman who is definitely not "near me" but in whose age range I fit. Her bottom age range is 27, though...following the age in half plus seven rule of thumb, 29 would be ok - better than the woman who put 18 as her bottom age! Eeek! Not that I would go running if a real 18 year old wrote me - but I wouldn't hold out any hopes for a real, meaningful relationship with someone so young. And that is what I am looking for, aren't I? Anyway...not an awesome note but pretty darn good, if I must say so myself. A couple of question marks about her, but aren't there always about anyone anyways? (Wow, that is a lot of a's!)

I just had a little realization (which I might have had before - who knows?) that a crush is really half of "chemistry." Chemistry occurs when both people have a crush on each other at the same time...

Fourth Note - G&G - 43 year old woman looking for someone who is at most 44 and within 50 miles - which I am not - hence the G&G. She just appealed, despite some red flags (like the two above) and that she is currently separated - this can mean so many things. But she says she is "very liberal" so a little bit of hope leaps in my heart...I was going to ask her about some of the things in her profile, but decided it could have easily been taken as an attack instead of the lighthearted curiosity that I was feeling. My guess, I won't hear back.

Feb 6

First thing I did was to write back to a couple of people. For some reason I am awake at 5 in the morning, so I decided to get some writing done. Yay! I think I will also write to a few people on match.com and maybe one on OKC.

By the way, besides these daily notes on notes and daily dating occurrences, I hope to find the time and mental energy to write posts on other aspects of relationships. I have a few posts started and hope to have time next week to flesh them out and post them.

First note - to a woman on OKC. Admittedly, we are not a great match - 56% match, 60% friend and, eeek - 35% enemey! OKC even says that we have issues. She is 42 and lives less than 50 miles away. Why, you ask, am I writing her? G&G. And because her favorite movie is The Princess Bride - as is mine!

Second note - match.com woman - 48 - less than 30 miles away - her desired age range tops out at 50, her profile is not pithy - but she seems like someone who I might like to know better.

Third note - match.com woman - 37 years old - 57 miles away (Ok, I don't really know the exact mileage for any of these people - they don't give out street addresses - which is probably wise) - her age range tops out at 48 (which is pretty reasonable - so I am definitely pushing the envelope a bit) and she would like someone who lives within 30 miles. I guess she lives in a place with a high population density, unlike here in Geneva, NY. I liked her smile.

Maybe (if anyone is out there reading this)(then again, mostly I am doing this for my own amusement and edification) you are wondering why I write so many emails. It is partly a math thing - or rather a statistical thing. Or maybe it is just a gut thing - the scattergun approach. Throwing lots of me out there and hoping that something sticks. Also, check out my post on Ups and Downs. Interaction is one thing I am seeking. Of most any (healthy) kind.

Fourth note - match.com - cool name, 37, not horrendously far away - yet again I am out of her age range but hope springs eternal. Anyway, we really don't have that much in common - but she did mention she liked to play pool. I would love to date or be in a relationship with someone who liked to play pool. So I asked her if there were any good pool places near her. Doubt I will hear.

Fifth Note - see, I am jonesing for communication here - 43 - within walking distance (ok, not really - just trying to think of different distance descriptors) - I don't know what it was about her - perhaps her smile in her profile picture - or a couple of things she said in her profile text, but I thought, why not write. Her top age is 50, though.

I just had an epiphany-let - why I like video/computer games (or games in general). It is because of the interaction. Not necessarily the challenge, the winning or losing, but the give and take that happens, sometimes with another person, sometimes just with a well written AI. Hmm.