March 31

I have a bunch of open tabs - 9 it looks like - now, I think I am just making a point. That most women either don't really want a relationship or at least don't want a relationship with me. Which, mathematically makes sense, of course. Still, it is frustrating...

First letter was to a woman who lives in Toronto - 40 years old - on ok Cupid - 65% Match and 15% enemy - so not really a great match - she just appealed - but I am sure it was jut G&G for me.

Second letter to an empty profile with a picture - G&G.

Maybe I should make it a contest - see who can guess how many messages I can write before I get a positive response. By positive response, I mean something that is intended to further communication and the process of getting to know another person. Fear not, I wouldn't throw the competition by writing a lot of bad emails. G&Gs for sure, as I just feel the need to write and to be doing something. I think I might be close to 30 now...

And OK Cupid tabs are responsible for eating my computer's memory. Poo on them. Lesson mostly learned - if I see an OKC person, write them and close the tab immediately

March 30

6 open tabs - two of them are the women who "liked" my pictures - I will start with writing them.

First one - 49 year old match.com living not far away - only one picture and a very short profile - not the best note - but it is easier when I have more to work with.

I wish I had kept track of how many women in their profiles say that they want someone who is funny or humorous (ok, few use that long a word) or can make them laugh. I think all of these are different from someone who is fun. I am certainly funny. How "fun" I am is a more serious question. I don't really think I am all that "fun." Not in general at least...

Second note - 57 year old match woman - looking for someone fun - likes motors - lives near NYC - so definitely G&G.

Third Note - 47 year old match woman not a great distance - she didn't want games so my subject was "No Monopoly?!" - And the note went downhill from there. :)

Fourth note - 46 year old match woman who also lives within fairly easy driving distance - we seem matched on the surface - her profile sounds as if it was written by someone with not a great command of English - though nowhere does it mention that she isn't American. I am guessing she isn't from around here. :) No, I am not being racist. I am being a linguist...

Two notes to p-crushes to whom I have written before and didn't hear back. I don't expect different results. But if I don't try, well, I won't have tried. Right? I thought they were two great notes. I am not going to hold my breath though...much as I would hope that would work and that would cause them to write. I will admit that it has worked once - and that didn't work out as planned. She turned out to be fairly uninteresting after all. Everything happens. :) What a surprise, one of them looked but didn't write. Sigh.

Fifth Note - 37 year old OK Cupid woman - blank profile, no questions answered - looks like she is Russian - though she lives in Dresden, NY (according to OK Cupid) She hasn't been online since Feb 2 - so my guess it is a fake profile. Sigh.

Sixth Note - 53 year old match.com woman - seemed very interesting - she read my message but hasn't bothered to write. Sigh.

I try and try and try not to get excited about people and their profiles. But I find it hard to do that. And when they don't write - which is so close to every time that it bears no mentioning - I just can't help but feel a smidge frustrated.

March 29

Wow, the month is nearly over. And I have been at this for nearly two months. Eeek! Time flies when, well, it just flies.

I have three open tabs - all are grins and giggles messages - two want men younger than I am (physically) and one wants a GQ model sugar daddy. But, I am a glutton for non-responses. I just can't seem to get enough of them! :)

One of them, though, is a woman I wrote to before and didn't respond. This time will be...the same, I am sure. I don't think I am even in the same universe as she is.

First note - OK Cupid 36 year old woman who just caught my eye - nothing scintillating about her profile or pictures - I just liked her vibe - 76% Match - 10% Enemy - definitely G&G.

Two women have liked my photos. What the heck does that mean? According to the last time - one will say she has already found someone and the other send me a thanks but no thanks message. Well, we will see what happens with them tomorrow. 

March 25

Bazillions of open tabs and my browser and computer are moving glacially slowly. Sigh. Gotta close a bunch of them. Soon. Maybe at lunch time - busy Smith day today.

I really should close the OK Cupid pages first - they are the ones that eat the most memory - all the ads (since it is a "free" site). But no, I can't do anything logical - I will write to a POF person or three.

First note - I will readily admit that I am more apt to write to a woman whose photos appeal than to a woman whose photos don't appeal - or to a woman who has chosen not to post pictures for whatever reason. Funny thing about this one - she says she is a fiesty red head but her one picture shows someone raven haired - and she isn't enamored of men who live with their moms. So I doubt, one again, that I will hear back. 44 POF woman - lives not horrendously far away - ok note. Does anyone want me to post the notes I write?

Second note - 49 year old POF woman - not too far - decent note.

Third note - OK Cupid woman - 38 - 94% Match, 8 % Enemy - Lives too far away and is too young - I just wrote her a G&G note - telling her how wonderful she was.

Closed two match.com tabs because I just didn't feel especially motivated to write them right now.

Fourth Note - OK Cupid Woman - 40 - 94% match 4% enemy - Too far away again - so another G&G note extolling her virtues - if people won't swell my head, I will swell theirs!

Fifth note - OK cpupid woman - 36 - Total grins and giggles since she is a 52% match and 51% enemy. What the hell am I thinking?

I was only writing till midnight - and that time has been reached. Closed six other tabs - just because I couldn't be bothered...

Post Profile Madness

Below are the "about me" bits from the three online services I currently frequent. And, I am still looking for feedback on thoughts you think I might include in a new profile.

 From Plenty of Fish: (My favorite of the three)
***I am currently living in Geneva, NY, acting as full time caregiver to my mom (who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's). I had an epiphany about this - it is sort of what parents do for their kids, only in reverse. So if you have kids, you know what I am going through - right now, she is sort of like a ten year old...And you know that I do have time to meet people, but it has to be budgeted. And since I am keeping her in her home, for the time being, I don't get out much...***

If you are still reading, hurrah! If you aren't, well, hmm, you aren't and you won't see what a nifty person I am and I will never find out how nifty a person you are. Sad, really. Going to cry now...

By the way - I may have been born in 1961, but I feel as if I were born in 1962! Er, 1982. :)

My second book is now available on my website and on Amazon. I taught myself to program for the iPhone and published a game in September 2012. To pass the time and to keep me somewhat sane, I write a blog or five. (One mostly.) I also work as the Technical Director/ Production Manager/ Film Maven for a multi-use venue in my home town. You are all welcome to attend events there!

I speak a few languages, have lived in various parts of the country and the world. I love to travel, and have visited all 50 states and more than 20 countries.

Please do not be afraid because my current picture portrays me with long hair. Hair comes and goes, the me inside remains the same. Did I mention that I am, at some point, planning to donate much of my hair to locks of love? And look, I shaved!

Distance isn't that worrisome to me. I have a car, and there are other modes of transportation. If the connection is important enough, things can be worked out. In my opinion.

As for who I am looking for, that is easy and hard to say. I think we all have ideas of what or who our partner would/could be. But those aren't really helpful because the Universe will offer up people who might not fit our picture. And we might dismiss them because of our beliefs. So, suffice it to say that if you love yourself and think you are great, I might find you to my liking as well.

Some things I like - that if you like - well, we might just get along: The Princess Bride, Firefly, Court and Spark and The Wheel of Time Series.

PS I will always respond - it is just the way I am wired. Why? Because I think that anyone who sends a message deserves a reply. And what's more, I am not opposed to getting to know anyone better - even if I don't think there is an ice cubes chance in Hades that we will make a romantic connection. Yay people!

PPS Here's a story I wrote - Once upon a time, a woman was hoping to find love, so she joined an online dating service. She said, I know I will find a good man, the Universe will provide him. Later, she got an email in her in box. A good, nice note, nothing too exciting, but good grammar, and it showed a little thought. She looked at his profile and thought - too old! - and didn't respond. She said to herself, I know I will find a thoughtful and witty man, the Universe will provide him. The next day she got another message - a thoughtful note with a little bit of wit that actually made her laugh out loud. She looked at his profile and thought - too far away! - and didn't respond. She said to herself, I know I will find a man who will be a great and loving partner to me, the Universe will provide him. The next day she got yet another email, full of nice thoughts and interesting observations that seemed great and even loving - she looked at his profile - he's not my type! - and didn't respond. Eventually the woman ended up alone or with the same type of man who she had always chosen in the past and ended up miserable in love. In the afterlife she lamented her state and said, Universe, why didn't you send me a good, thoughtful, witty, loving man? The Universe responded - who do you think sent the man who wrote those great email messages?!

PPPPS Life is short - laugh and love a lot.

From Match.com:
Starting at the very beginning would take a long time. Instead, I will start at the end and move back and forth. Currently I am taking care of my mom, who was diagnosed with dementia in April of 2010. I am also working as the Technical Director of a theatre. And working on a few book/writing projects. What else about me? I have long hair currently, though this has come and gone over the years. Movies, books, hiking, pool and food (oh, and good beer) are things that I enjoy. Not all at the same time, but some combinations of the above can be fun. 

Who am I looking for? If I knew who she was, we would hopefully be in each others' lives already. Some one who is smart, funny, interesting and interested would be great! 

Here's my philosophy on online dating (and life perhaps): Once upon a time, a woman was hoping to find love, so she joined an online dating service. She said, I know I will find a good man, the Universe will provide him. Later, she got an email in her in box. A nice note, nothing too exciting, but good grammar, showing a little thought. She looked at his profile and thought - too old! - and didn't respond. She said to herself, I know I will find a thoughtful and witty man, the Universe will provide him. The next day she got another message - a thoughtful note with a little bit of wit that actually made her laugh out loud. She looked at his profile and thought - too far away! - and didn't respond. She said to herself, I know I will find a man who will be a great and loving partner to me, the Universe will provide him. The next day she got yet another email, full of nice thoughts and interesting observations that seemed great and even loving - she looked at his profile - he's not my type! - and didn't respond. Eventually the woman ended up alone or with the same type of man who she always had chosen in the past and ended up miserable in love. In the afterlife she lamented her state and said, Universe, why didn't you send me a good, thoughtful, witty, loving man? The Universe responded - who do you think sent the man who wrote those great email messages?!  

From OK Cupid: (OK Cupid is broken up into lots of little sections with text - I have included a few of those in addition to my main "about me" sort of section.

I'm an empty essay here me shout...now, wait, that's something about a little teapot...I just had a thought last night - that I have a Dumbledore/Gandalf sort of look perhaps. Anyone think they are "hot?"

I had forgotten, actually that I had no self summary. So, here is an attempt at one: long, tall, funny, smart, well-traveled, decently-read, edjimacted, curious, polite, fit, fun, silly and artistic. Ta da!

Once upon a time, a woman was hoping to find love, so she joined an online dating service. She said, I know I will find a good man, the Universe will provide him. Later, she got an email in her in box. A good, nice note, nothing too exciting, but good grammar, and it showed a little thought. She looked at his profile and thought - too old! - and didn't respond. She said to herself, I know I will find a thoughtful and witty man, the Universe will provide him. The next day she got another message - a thoughtful note with a little bit of wit that actually made her laugh out loud. She looked at his profile and thought - too far away! - and didn't respond. She said to herself, I know I will find a man who will be a great and loving partner to me, the Universe will provide him. The next day she got yet another email, full of nice thoughts and interesting observations that seemed great and even loving - she looked at his profile - he's not my type! - and didn't respond. Eventually the woman ended up alone or with the same type of man who she had always chosen in the past and ended up miserable in love. In the afterlife she lamented her state and said, Universe, why didn't you send me a good, thoughtful, witty, loving man? The Universe responded - who do you think sent the man who wrote those great email messages?! 

 

Currently, my main project in life is to help my mom stay in her house as long as we both can manage. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2010. I haven't been diagnosed with much of anything recently. Yay!

I am also, finally, working in a field I love and being paid to do it! Theatre work! How lucky can one person be?  

Favorite books are mostly Sci-Fi or Fantasy (yes, I like to not live in the real world sometimes) - or the ones I have written - I like those too...My favorite movie is The Princess Bride. I know, inconceivable! Firefly is my favorite TV series. Court and Spark is one of my favorite albums. The Wheel of Time series are one of my favorite sets of books. If you like any of those, we might just get along. Heck, we might get along if you don't like any of those...

March 22

The month marches on. I have two tabs open. One of them I think I have written to before and I believe she never wrote back. But I will write her again since she showed up in some mailing from Match.com...

First note - Match woman who was 51. I wrote her a decent note.

Second note - OK Cupid woman - 43 lives in CA - I am outside her age range and distance range. I just enjoyed her profile and pictures and wrote her a lovely, lovely note. At least I think it was lovely. I am still asleep. Zzzzzzz I must admit to a teeny p-crush on her.

March 19

Open tabs, open tabs, open for a day - Oh what fun it is to write a couple notes. Olé... (Sung to a popular Christmas time tune...)

First note - to an OK Cupid woman who is 52 - apparently OKC has done away with listing the friend quotient - so - 62% Match - 16% Enemy - not the best, but not too terrible either - I miss the friend %...I don't expect to hear back from her.

Second note - another OK Cupid woman - she is 56 - 77% Match - 17% Enemy - although she lives in PA, she says she is interested in meeting people from Anywhere. And although I live somewhere (Geneva, specifically) I hope that will not be an issue... :) (She looked but didn't write)

Third Note - OK Cupid woman who looked at my profile (I think I looked at hers awhile ago) - and didn't write - so I wrote her. 88% Match 14% Enemy 38 and lives not too far away. I wrote her a funny note - but didn't ask any questions...

Fourth note - OK Cupid - 51 - lives in PA so, not all that near. I looked at her profile long and hard, despite a not good % - 50% Match - 24% Enemy - I was very tempted to write. She then looked at my profile, so I wrote her. Take that! Bazinga!

Fifth note- Match - 43 year old not far away - Thoughtful profile - looking for hard working though - is that another code word for conservative?

Got a random message from a 28 year old in hawaii saying I was cute - yet, OK Cupid didn't show her as a visitor. And she had no profile picture. I wrote back - because, well, I like to get the last word (not always, but whenever possible) and said hi in a funny way. I bet she is a scam or not real or both.

Sixth note - Match 35 year old woman who appeared in my match mail - we are not a match - she wants someone as old as 38. Sigh. I wrote her anyway - G&G. 

Seventh note - Match 48 - she looked at my profile but didn't write. I don't think that means much as I find that few women initiate communication with me. Or with anyone in general. Perhaps I am mistaken about that...(She sent me a canned "No Thanks" note. Her loss.)

Eighth note - POF - 43 year old woman but too far away is my guess. I wrote her a note anyway. Quite a captivating smile...

 

 

 

March 16

This feeling rarely comes and when it does it goes fairly quickly.

Last night I got a bit, not depressed, that isn't the word. Hmm, let me explain how I felt and maybe that will get me to the word. I was working at a concert at The Smith. By the way, I have had this feeling before, and I might have written about it, so if this is all repetitive, oh well. I feel like I need to write this again. This is after all a way for me to get my thoughts and feelings out while also making me believe I am doing something creative, fighting entropy and indolence in my own little way...

Where was I? Oh, yes, at the Smith. I can't remember if The ought to be capitalized, or Not. I am thinking it ought to be, yes, digressing...

All theses people, many of whom were women. Lots of couples. Some people I knew, others I had seen before, lots of new to me people. And I couldn't tell, from a glance or two, who I thought was attractive in a potentially romantic partner sort of way. I had doubts that I would ever be able to find someone with whom to share a part of our lives. I couldn't figure out if any effort I made was going to make any difference. Ennui perhaps? But stronger than that. More of a sense of futility and forlornness. But nothing that made me want to crawl under a rock and putrefy. And it passed. Mostly. I did a bit of smile therapy - tried to look and force a feeling of enjoying myself into my body - and it worked. Mostly.

I think it was finally coming down from a smoothie induced natural sugar high. (Ok, I don't really, though I do know that my mood is often affected by the food I eat (or don't eat).) And I know who I blame for that...

See, I do feel better - even better today. Hope is, once again, springing from despair!

First note - I didn't think I would actually send any notes today - but I got over that feeling - OKC  45 - too far away so G&G - 85% Match 70% Friend 13% Enemy

Second note - POF - 50 year old - lives in Brooklyn but didn't seem to be interested in someone just near to her. Anyway, very appealing profile. I think I wrote an excellent note. 

March 13

Too far? Really? That's an excuse for not getting to know someone? Personally, I think it is a lame excuse. People used to get to know each other through snail mail across continents and oceans. And these people think that 200 miles is too far? No wonder they aren't in a relationship. God knows I would be thrilled to find someone in my town, within walking distance. It hasn't happened - it could, but it hasn't. Until then, I am happy to get to know anyone anywhere - because life is short and why say "no." That is just fear talking and I try not to buy into fear whenever possible.

This diatribe is because several times people have said that they don't want to get to know me because I live too far from them. It could be the actual reason, and if it is, well, I guess we really weren't compatible and best of luck to them. I will give anyone the opportunity to convince me that they ought to be a part of my life - even when I think they aren't someone I think would be a positive factor in my existence. Why not? What have I got to lose except for a little time and energy? Energy I have in abundance, and time? Who knows, I might pop off tomorrow or they (whoever they might be and if they decide to share it with the hoi polloi) might discover the key to eternal life in my lifetime.

Wrote a note to a woman on OK Cupid - 43 living not so very far away. I liked her profile and it seemed we have many similar tastes. Will she write, or won't she? Time will tell...She looked and didn't write. Yet. I have had people who took a month to write. What that is about is anyone's guess. I just write them off mentally if they look and don't respond at that point.

March 12

I would love to be surprised by someone actually writing me back. That would be nifty, in fact. I do realize that part of the problem lies in the fact that I write to people who aren't interested in me. But my question is - how do they know? A profile is just a profile after all - and isn't the real person. No chances, no quarter is given - ay matey? Arrr. I feel like making the little hook finger gesture and looking for a parrot on my shoulder.

The first note - POF - 43 year old - not far - calls herself a hippy - so I have a little, wee hope that she might be interested in someone who looks like a hippy (though this hasn't seemed to be the case in the past...). And her profile is written in pidgin English which is a little scary...

The second note - POF - 42 year old - not too distant - very light profile - asked us to ask her. Sigh.

Does it count as a new message if I write to a person I saw on one site and then write to her on another? I don't think it does. Doesn't much matter in any case as she didn't seem all that interested on OKC. I doubt she will be interested on Match!

The third note - Match.com - 44 - near and not far - good profile - nice pictures - not really a great match - and the version I am looking at doesn't tell me her age range or distance range, so, this is probably just for G&G.

Closed a bunch of tabs because the notes would have all been G&Gs and I just didn't feel up to writing them. Instead I wrote a fourth note to a match woman who is 54 and lives within driving distance. I thought it was a nice note. Funny even. Oh, just noticed that she isn't a paying member so I have to write her yahoo account. Sigh.

I also wrote a woman who I had written before but who never wrote me back - even though she said she would. Oh well. I am graciously giving her another chance.

And someone wrote me back! Yay! So I am going to write her back. That'll show her!

Fifth note was to an OK Cupid person who is 50 and lives far away. I found her interesting enough to forget about the distance, but who knows what she will think. The note was decent. (She wrote back and said it was a lovely note!)

March 8

I have a bunch of notes I can write. It was refreshing to take a day off. And I did come up with a good piece of writing. It could still use some work - but it is good enough for profile adding!

Premiere Note - Match woman who looked at my profile (maybe after I liked her picture) but she didn't write - 45 years old and not too far away. Some pith to her profile, but not a lot. I dropped her a nice line. 

Not sure what comes after premiere - not derriere...anyway, next note - OK Cupid 75% Match 64% Friend 23% Enemy - 55 - not far away - she looked at my profile - which is nice to know, but doesn't tell me if she liked it or not - or how long she stayed...seems a bit on the conservative side, but who knows, it didn't hurt to send her a message...(She already wrote back once)

Third Note - Match.com - 45 year old - not too far but only wants someone up to 50 and someone right next door - so I guess it was a Grins and Giggles. 

Fourth Note - Match.com - 56 years old - she made me a favorite but didn't send me a note. Why make someone a favorite if you aren't going send them a note? Ok, sometimes you just like them but their age and distance requirements don't fit you at all, so you make them a favorite, hoping they might take a look at your profile and send you a note. Makes sense to me...

Fifth Note - Match.com - 38 year old woman - she is looking up to 50, so what's a couple more years. Looks a little like Uma Thurman (in a good way) to me. Still, I think this is a G&G.

Sixth note - Match.com - 47 years young (tee hee) only looking to fifty though she was willing to go as young as 36. I guess she is young at heart! She dared people to write which makes me think that she might actually respond with a positive message. Ok, not really. Just trying out the optimism thing...

And that's all I can muster today. I closed three tabs without writing - maybe 5 even.

 

March 6

I closed all the open tabs last night without writing to 10 of the people. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It is a lot of work, crafting even short notes of icebreaking. And I just didn't feel up to it.

That being said, who has three more open tabs? This guy...

Note the first - OKC - 45 85% Match 59% Friend 12% Enemy - lives a bit further than either of us would probably like, but there you are - or rather, there she is...anyway, I dropped her a nice note - we are both in the same boat - taking care of our parents. We shall see - OKC says she responds frequently...

Note the second - OKC - 90% Match 74% Friend 6% Enemy - 37 - not far and I am within her desired age range - hope rears its ugly little head (or is hope a pretty critter? Hmm) - My note was not awesome, but it was serviceable...

Note the third - OKC - 61% Match 71% Friend 22% Enemy - G&G as she doesn't want someone as old as I am - heck, it might not even go through - sometimes people in foreign countries (even Canada) make that a requirement. It went through - not an inspired message.

It isn't that I am impatient. Or maybe it is. Sometimes when I write a note, it is the waiting to hear back that is irksome. I do try to fill my life so that waiting doesn't seem like waiting. But sometimes, even through all of the activities, in the back of my mind I am thinking - is it time to check my mail again yet? Is it? Now? Now? Now?  

Note the fourth - Match - I showed interest in her a while ago she is 43 and lives not far away - only interested in someone up to 50. So, probably G&G on my part - not the best note...

Note the fifth - Match - 47 - in my daily matches - not far, yay - and is definitely seeking someone older. I am older. Not much in her profile...just noticed she wants someone 25 miles away...so, probably G&G. Not a great note... 
 
 

March 5

13 tabs open - must close tabs...

First note - POF woman - G&G - because she lives on Long Island - 49 years old - I just liked her profile - well written and intriguing. Which is what I said in my note.

Second note - POF woman - G&G - because she lives in NY - 44 years old - her profile was ok - it was her picture that caught my attention.

Third note - OKCupid - I have had this tab open for a while - she lives in Montreal - is 33 and seems quite interesting. 87% Match 85% Friend 11% Enemy - this, though is another G&G because she only is interested in men up to 40. 

I got a message at POF! I was very excited, until I saw that it was from someone in the POF company. They were telling us that they had added a field to the profile talking about how ambitious one is. What interested me, though, was that, apparently, I have had sex with way more than the average amount of women. I don't consider myself overly sexed - about average, maybe a bit less than average. And here it turns out that the average guy has had 6.1 sexual partners by the time they are 44. Oops. 

A woman I wrote to yesterday wrote back today. Her message was pleasant and ambiguous as to whether or not she was interested in getting to know me better. Her desire list said she is looking for friends anywhere... 

March 2

After the exchange yesterday, not sure I really want to write any more letters. Goodness.

OK Cupid's pages seem to be messed up again. Why do companies play with their sites all the time?

March 1

I guess I will continue this thing. It makes me feel like I am trying to move forward on my dating situation. Even if all I am really doing is beating my head against a wall...

First Note - A long shot - of course. :) She lives in CA - a 41 year old OKC woman - not high percentages - 58% Match 57% Friend 16% Enemy - but she looked at my profile - or at least OKC said she did - she didn't write - so that is not a good sign either - but what the heck, I need to start clearing out some of these open tabs! (See her response below)

Second Note - G&G - OKC - 69% Match 69% Friend 29% Enemy - 54 - No profile text and basically one picture. I looked at her. She looked at me. I decided to write just because I could.

Third Note - Match.com - 41 year old woman who wants to date her next door neighbor. I dropped her a nice line.

Not a new note - to a POF woman who sent me a note or two - but is obviously getting inundated and doesn't find me interesting enough to get to know me better. Doesn't hurt to send it...

Fourth Note - G&G - 46 year old POF Woman - she lives a little far away and seems a bit on the conservative side - I wrote her an ok note. Not my best effort by far.

Fifth Note - another G&G - POF 38 year old woman (hence the G&G) - Says she is a Free Thinker - but everything about her screams conservative...

Sixth Note - Match.com woman who is 49 and lives within driving distance (reasonably driving distance, I think - less than 500 miles...)

Seventh Note - Match.com woman who is 43 and a former rock star? Anyway, little hope to hear back since I am over her age range - though the rock star thing does encourage me a little that she might find my looks not as off-putting as some others apparently do...

Eighth Note - Match.com - 39 year old woman who "viewed" my profile - I liked a couple pictures a while back and didn't write because she only wanted someone up to 45 - but since she looked, I figured I might as well take the chance...

I don't often do this - but I just had to share - An OKC woman I wrote today got this message from me:

Great profile! Are you from CA originally? How is school going? I liked how you described feeling ageless. I feel that way most of the time, too.

I totally agree that the best relationships are one where people connect on all levels! Do you speak any foreign languages? Have you done much traveling?

I hope this finds you well and happy!

Augustus

She responded:
Good Morning Augustus,

Thank you for your message! I am not originally from Cali......My parents/family are from Italy and I was born in Argentina, so Race: Caucasian: Nationality: Argentinian Ethnicity: Italian.

I speak Castellano....or what we call Spanish. I have only been back to Argentina once, in 1987. I do plan on traveling a lot, soon.

How about you? Where are you originally from? 

Followed by this:
You know what? Forget it dude! The only reason you asked where I am from.....is because you are a racist and are trying to weed out foreigners! Go to hell old man! Did you really think I was interested, just because I answered your message? ahahahahaha

AS IF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Ok. Whatever. I wrote her back a note:
I thought you seemed like an interesting person. I asked where you were from because not everyone was born where they currently live.

I was born in geneva ny. I lived in the sf bay area for ten years. My ex wife was from mainland china. I have traveled to 30+ countries and am about as far from a racist as you are likely to find.

Your profile was intriguing. I actually like the picture of you without makeup a bit more than the other one.

Best of luck in your search!

Augustus 

She wrote:
Hey racist man.....leave me alone, okay? Bye, bye!

I blocked her.

Oh my goodness, me racist? Ha! Whatever.

Moving on...Ok, I still think that is about the most bizarre thing ever...

Feb 26

Starting off with a Match woman who is 41 and not far away, but only wants someone who is 44 - I could pass for 44 - in a dimly lit restaurant, as long as she wasn't looking at me...what does it matter, who I am fooling - the chances of her writing back with a positive "let's do this note" are about 1 in 100. No guts, hmm, what would one do if they had no guts. Digesting food would be difficult...

I think I need to whip off some notes - get some of these tabs closed.

Note the Second - before doing that, I closed four POF tabs for one reason or another - most of them just lived too far away for their comfort and honestly, they weren't all that appealing in the light of day. So, my second note is to a Match woman - 40 years old - I think I have written her before - but what the heck - match doesn't remember so I can't be sure - It was a G&G for me - she is a conservative politically, which means that she wants a conservative guy - into which category I could never, ever fall - except I do try to conserve electricity and water. Does that count?

Note the Third - probably also G&G for me as she wants someone who lives within 20 miles - but at least I am (for a couple more months) in her age range! 50 year old woman who is willing to go up to 52! Wow, living outside the box!! Not a great note - truly not all the motivated to write...

Note the Fourth - Ok, couldn't bring myself to write any more notes today. I just closed all the tabs. Sigh.

Back to Note the Fourth - An OKC person who was way too young - 36 - right on the bottom of my possible age lower limit - Ok, not really, according to half plus seven, 33 is the lower limit - anyway - she lives not too far away and her profile was good. And our percentages - 91% Match 83% Friend 0% Enemy - well, I don't think I have ever seen 0% enemy before!

Note the Fifth - POF - 48 year old woman living around 40 miles away - seems cool so I sent her a decent note. Ok, all of my notes are decent, this one had its cute moments...(well, she responded - mainly in order to raise the percentage of people who responded - how sweet - but it seems it was only for that reason. Moving on...) 

Feb 22

I like that I started on Feb 1 so I know how many days I have been documenting my relationship search and efforts and experiences. Here we are, day 22. There are lots of tabbed people and I have all day off from the Smith. Yay!

I am going to start with the OKC tabs first - then do at least one or two match tabs. And right now there are 7 POF tabs - most of them will be for G&G. It is all about numbers, people!

But before that - I do want to point out that I made a couple of relationship observations in my Life and Such blog. One about "Her Loss" and one about, hmm, something else that my sleepy brain can't come up with without looking. And the last thing I want to do is artificially bump up the number of views a posts get. When I break 50 views, I am so happy, until I realize that 35 of those are me...Ok, I looked. It was about the relationship magnets that authors are supposed to be. Ha.

First Note - G&G - Cause she is in Canada. Sigh. Anyway, OKC woman - 74, 81, 14 (Good things those aren't her measurements! Eeek!!) (Match, Friend, Enemy) Oh, 47 by the way. And if it weren't for me knowing that she will not be interested (reverse magic works occasionally, otherwise I wouldn't use it...) I would rate her on my p-crush scale. But I am trying to do that. Heartache, especially self inflicted (which, actually, most heart ache is in any case), isn't fun. Trying to be unattached...Wrote a great note if I must say so myself.

Wrote a second note to a woman who I wrote to, who visited my profile but didn't choose to write back. She is also in Canada and TDP. Ok, I also sent a note telling her how attractive she was. Whatever.

So that second note, wasn't my second note - though it was - my second note is to an OKC woman who is 53 and lives in NYC - 86% Match 79% Friend 7% Enemy (Ha, copy and paste worked on the percentages - one never knows with web stuff how a copy and paste will work...) - definitely liked her profile - but this is G&G as no real woman from NYC has ever written back with a positive - Let's try this - sort of note. I wrote her a very nice note. Maybe I am getting better at writing notes. Though great notes don't seem to make my reply percentage go up at all...

Third note - which is actually my fifth in some ways - but my third in notes to new to me people - was to an OKC woman in NYC who is 53 - 94% Match 81% Friend 8% Enemy. I will, whenever the woman is at least moderately attractive physically (yes, I am a physical-ist) write to someone regardless of location when the percentages are like this. She wants regular contact - and if she means physical contact in real time in real space, then for sure she won't write back a "heck, I'm game" note. Another good note - sometimes I worry that I will send a good note to a person whose profile was appealing, only to hear back and have "reaching out-ers regret" when they actually write back. So far, hasn't happened. But it is a worry...(She wrote and distance was the excuse.)

Fourth note - definitely G&G - this woman looked at my profile and didn't write - 81% Match 76% Friend 22% Enemy - 45 years old - lives in a different country (neighbor to the North) She says she is highly attracted to intelligence. I have some of that. Her profile was good, not great - too many little errors make for a bit of a red flag - but that could be haste or just laziness (neither of which are bad in moderation)(I could be accused of both of them at times) - 81% Match 76% Friend 22% Enemy - her photo also looks, I don't know, like a professional photo - not candid. Hmm. I wrote a decent note. She did view me first and she did say "located anywhere" so who knows. Maybe I will get at least a little decent conversation from her. That would be nifty. (Well, she wrote back once and actually asked a question - maybe I will have a dialogue with her)(Nah, not likely...)

Just now I had another thought - one which seems pretty obvious now - one's fears about the other person are just the inverse of one's own insecurities. That being said, I don't really believe that I am insecure about these things - I am, though, aware of them as potential areas of discongruity. 

Here is a relationship story not related to dating sites. I have a friend (yes, I know, a little shocking) and this friend has a Facebook Page. And on her facebook page, she has her friends. Well, one of those friends posted a comment on something and from the thumbnail, I thought I would like to see a large image of her. So I clicked through to her the friend's friend's page. I must admit to a bit of an immediate e-crush. I mentioned this to my friend and we will see what happens from there. Meanwhile, I got to thinking - I do that way too much sometimes - and here is what my sour grapes mentality came up with before we have even communicated (if that should even happen (should in the future sense, not the "ought to" sense)): 
she is too young, 
too pretty, 
too far away, 
not intelligent enough 
and not experienced enough to be someone who is attracted to me. 

What this might mean is that I think 
I am too old (which I am, I guess, though my age doesn't bother me - especially since I feel like I am 20 years younger than my physical age most of the time), 
not handsome enough (that is totally subjective - I have my moments of thinking that I am really, really handsome - other moments of "eww, what is that in the mirror" - other moments of - my hair and beard might be unappealing to some etc.) (Overall, I think I am above average in looks...) 
too far away (distance, I really believe, is in the mind. And circumstances change. Either of us could move - both of us could move - in the meantime there are modes of transportation and pretty amazing communication technologies to help bridge that gap until such time that the physical distance between us is minimized) 
too damn smart for my own good (nothing to do about this - I think I am pretty smart and find that most people just don't seem as smart as I am) (there are though, other kinds of intelligence and smarts - and finding someone smart - how important is that really in my desire to be in a relationship - which reminds me of a woman I met yesterday...but that is not for this part of the blog...)
too experienced (and finding someone who has had anywhere near as many as excellent experiences as I have is definitely a challenge) to find someone who will love me for who I am.

I have to face it that I am a pretty damn intimidating package. :)

So, yesterday, I met or at least interacted with two women, both of whom were attractive to me in very different ways. Two vastly different ages, looks, personalities, jobs etc. Will I follow up with either of them? Doubtful. But it was fun doing the flirting, for sure! (Ok, honestly, I mostly flirted with one, the other, I just thought about flirting with her..) 

Fifth Note - Match woman who is 48 - looking for a next door neighbor who is her age. Despite having a length profile I didn't really get much of a sense of who she is. I did get the feeling that she wouldn't be interested in me - I am not conservative enough. We shall of course, see. Not my best message effort.  

Sixth Note - Match woman who is 45 and apparently likes the Finger Lakes - a lot! Yay! I liked her profile, but again, I didn't get much of a sense of her particularly. I wonder if it is my eyes or just the people I am choosing to write to today. Sent an ok note. 

Feb 21

Maybe I would have more luck if I were in a larger urban area - like Toronto or NY City. When I am on OKC, I get a lot of suggested matches who live in those two places. And I find a lot of them appealing. Unfortunately, I get maybe 3 a month who are within 15 minutes of my house and of them, I only find 1 of 10 appealing. Sigh.

Anyway, my first note was to an OKC woman - 42 - 87% Match, 49% Friend, 13% enemy - who only wants someone up to 46 and who lives near her which I do not. I wrote a great note, if I must say so myself. Really great. She put in some actual crap notes she had received - the two or three word kind - so I started my note with a conglomeration of those. It was funny (at least I hope she thinks so). I have found, though, that most people from the city in which she lives don't respond. What the heck does "near me" mean? I thought it meant - near enough that we can get something started and see where it goes. Though, as I have mentioned before, in reality it means - if it takes more than 15 minutes to reach me, it isn't worth the effort. These people would not have survived life on the Chisholm Trail!

I love flirting. Or as Joni Mitchell says - We love our lovin'. Today there was a new person at work, not someone I am likely to run into again - no, I didn't ask for her number or anything. I might as her friend about her, but...anyway, it was just fun to flirt with someone. Yay!

Second note - 49 year old match woman who lives not far - but hasn't been online in a while. She reminds me of my childhood sweetheart. I dropped her a teeny line, not expecting much.

Third note - 48 year old match woman who lives near-ish - she made me a favorite, so I dropped her a line. Why the heck not? (She wrote me a note back - then commented on one of my pictures - I wrote back, but her profile had been hidden so I don't really know if she found someone or is just overwhelmed or what - haven't heard back again - one and out?)

Fourth Note - 45 year old POF woman in a town not too far away. There is something in her brief profile that makes me think it highly unlikely she will respond. I have been wrong once or twice...

Fifth Note - POF woman who is 40 and lives within 75 miles. That's a nice round distance that POF lets people choose for a dating distance qualifier. She appeared as a recommended person after I wrote my fourth note. Actually a few women were recommended and I am going to write a couple of them. This one, though, did start my p-crush indicator wobbling a little. As always hopeful of a conversation leading to a date leading to a relationship. What has experience taught me, though? And what is one definition of crazy? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Sigh. Am I crazy? At least, though the walls seem similar, I am beating my head against a bunch of different walls. So it is the same thing over and over again? Or am I stepping into a different (yet similar) river every time? Hmm. Anyway, my breath is held...Oh, just a note - since I started up on POF, I have not received one reply.

Sixth Note - POF Woman who is 44 and lives near the previous woman. Maybe they are neighbors. Or friends? Maybe they will fight over who has the right to date me! Hahahahahahaha. Ha.

Ok, there are five more tabbed women. Most of them are G&G - I know that they are too far away or whatever and won't write back. One of them, though, does rank on the p-crush scale. Actually two of them do. I might write them when I get back from the movie tonight. Nope, not going to write them tonight. Tomorrow is another day.

Well, that is a bit sad. A woman I have met once and been corresponding with for a while has said, after even more emails, that she doesn't think she will have time for us to get together again until she finished school - 20 months from now. Her time management skills probably need some honing. I guess I just wasn't a priority for her. Nor was finding someone new to hang out with. Why she was ever on a dating site in the first place is a question to which I will likely never have an answer. Whatever. Her loss.

Her is another observation. Women met in real life just seem to me to automatically be more attractive than women I meet through the internet. I wonder why that is. Yesterday and today, for instance, I met new to me people who were not necessarily more attractive in any way than people I am interested in on the internet, but for some reason they just felt more attractive. Maybe because they are more tangible?

Feb 20

Still hoping that one of the one note people was not really a won note person. But not holding out a lot of hope for that. We shall, of course, see. (Do I say that a lot? It feels like I say that a lot. I guess it might be one of my phrases - like "Sounds like a plan.")(I know I don't type that a lot, but I know I do say "Sounds like a plan" a lot.)

Again, multiple tabs have somehow found there way into my browser window. By the way, I love the idea of tabs in browser - whoever came up with that idea is a genius! I hope they were well rewarded by their company...

I have a couple of profile observations to make. If a person puts Auto racing/motocross as one of the sports they like, I am guessing we probably won't be a great match. Or if one of the activities they enjoy is 4 wheeling. And most people who are enthusiastic about all things water - they might be appealing to me in lots of other ways, but I am guessing we won't hit it off. This is not to say that I won't write them anyway, and I would be happy to be wrong. It just is a feeling I get and a sense I have from observation...

I think I get a p-crush (profile crush) on one in about twenty profiles. And the p-crush varies in intensity - from a 1 - a slightly more elevated level of interest than in general to a 10 - I lie awake for hours wondering if I should write and what I ought to write and if I wrote how long will it be before she responds and if she doesn't respond in what amount of time should I write again and if so what should I say and please oh please let her at least write me back once and then we can go from there unless she writes me a thank you but no thank you letter and then do I write back anything other than a thank you for at least taking the time to write letter or god has it only been five minutes since I sent that message...

First Note - I am going to break with my normal pattern and start with a note to a p-crush level 3 instead of writing some warm-up notes to others first. OKC woman (I don't know why I keep writing woman since I am not likely at this point in my life to start finding men to be attractive as romantic and sexual partners...) 44 - 87% Match, 78% Friend, 18% enemy - lives a bit farther than is comfortable, but is looking for people anywhere and even my age (and older). Her profile is well fleshed out, interesting, funny and thoughtful. Her pictures are appealing as well. So, here goes nothing...ok, killer first note if I must say so myself. Witty, friendly, showing I really looked at her profile and asking her a few simple to respond to questions, while making it clear that I was actually interested. One red flag is that she said she is available, not single. Not really sure what that means...Fingers crossed!

Three of the people on OKC that I am going to send messages to are just for grins and giggles. I think one of them, at least, is a fake profile. Maybe all three are.

Second Note - OKC woman - 54 - looks 34 in her pictures - no profile text at all - answered no questions so no match percentages - but heck, I don't have a problem going in blind! Leaps of faith - that is what life is all about! Geronimo! My guess is this is a fake profile.

Third Note - OKC Woman - 45 years old - no questions answered so no match percentage - very brief profile that doesn't give much of a clue about who she is - just that she spells armour the British way...I think maybe another fake profile. I actually think I wrote her before, long ago. I guess I will find out.

Fourth Note - OKC Woman - 36 years old - so right at the bottom of my hoped for age range - no questions answered. She does have a decently filled out profile. Red flags are: Her profile picture looks more like a modeling/glam shot than a real picture - she asks for "real" people - and she says that she has a hard time logging in - which I take to mean that if she does write back, she will immediately ask for an email address at which to write - perhaps giving one in exchange. Since I am out of her age range, though, I don't expect to hear back in any case...

The next 3 OKC people are all of interest to me. Not to register on the p-crush scale - but they all seem real and interesting. One of them has too low (for me) a top age desire, but I will write to her anyway - just because I love to waste everyone's time. :)

Fifth Note - OKC Woman 36 years old - I love her handle - I would tell you, but I am trying to maintain a bit of privacy for these people - 80% Match, 65% Friend and 9% enemy - she says she is bisexual - always interesting to me for some reason - and not too far away. And I am within her age range selection. Yay. Decent first note, but not the best effort.

Sixth note - OKC 39 year old woman with the low top age (she wants 40 - I am sure she won't respond positively (more likely she won't respond at all) - Match percentages should trump age requirements - anyway - Match 74%, Friend 55% and Enemy 12% - ok, not fantastic percentages - truthfully, she just appealed. I basically just told her that she appealed and that I didn't expect to hear from her. Next! (She wrote back and said I was sweet - a lot better than nothing!)

Seventh Note - OKC woman - 43 years old - lives too far away for comfort - so I am guessing no letter back - but I liked her profile and pictures and I feel compelled to write - not a p-crush but not chopped liver either. Match 86%, Friend 79%, Enemy 12% (She wrote back and said "Great Message." Then proceeded to write what I thought was a little hurtful - "But I really don't have a need or desire for a long distance acquaintance." Wow. Ouch. Whatever.

Ok, I am just about ready to quit. Not really. It's just so futile feeling at times. I will soldier on. Tomorrow is another day. 

Feb 19

Wow, I have a lot of open tabs. Will I or won't I write to the 15 people or will I whittle away at them as I realize that "correspondence is futile." (Yes, I have been binge watching Star Trek, TNG. Sigh.)

What I did do is send a message to a woman who has been weighing on my mind a bit. I first wrote her on the 17th and although she looked at my profile, a couple of times, she didn't write. Maybe she doesn't like to initiate correspondence. Maybe she is swamped with all of the letters she has been getting. Maybe I really, really seemed icky, gross and disgusting and she couldn't bear the thought of communicating with me. Or maybe, she picked up some vibe from my profile that warned her off. Or maybe one of 8 gazillion reasons. Whatever. Really, what she thinks is none of my business. (This thought, by the way, is from one of the interpersonal training workshops that I have attended over the years. And it is a powerful one. The "take-away" from it is that what other people think or believe or feel really has nothing to do with me. It is all their stuff. And as such (it being their stuff and nor really related to me) is none of my business.) But I drafted a decent second note - even got a second opinion on it, and finally sent it off today. Will I hear back? I hope so. Do I think I will hear back? Nope. Not pessimism - realism. Anyone who is reading this (is anyone reading this?) will have noticed that I get about 1 in ten responses. So the odds are just plain bad that she will respond. Moving on.

I guess part of the issue is just how serious someone is when they say they are willing to just make new friends even if it doesn't lead to a relationship. Generally I have found this to be untrue. Or not untrue exactly, but not something that ever happens. I do my best to keep a correspondence going - or a friendship even. But both a correspondence and a friendship take certain levels of effort and consistency that seems difficult to sustain.

Ok, I would like to write a few messages before going on with other things - I think I will start with the ones that have been "parked" in tabs the longest and move to the newer found ones.

First Note - OKC Woman - 37 years old - 84% Match, 79% Friend, 4% Enemy - that's pretty good, right?! She does say she is bisexual and last time I checked I was one of the two genders. So far, so good. She caps her age limit at 50 but I am well with her distance parameter - maybe. Near Me to one person means 50 yards, to another means 100 miles. Sigh. Anyway, honestly, I think she is looking for a bunch of friends more than she is specifically looking for a relationship at this point. So near me, probably means more like the 50 yards than the hours drive away that I am. Hmm, to write or not to write. Well, I will at least drop her a line. I know I like to get nice emails even if it doesn't lead to a relationship or anything...

Second Note - Match woman - 47 - she had no distance limit mentioned, so I wrote - she hasn't been online in a while - so I don't think that is ever a good sign for getting a response - and she likes some things that might indicate less than optimal matchiness. I just sent her a pleasant note - nothing too fancy.

Third note - Match woman - 53 - not too far away - though her top age limit is 50 - interesting, that. Not much to her profile. And she says she is trying to quit smoking. Sigh. Some survey said that only 20 percent of the population smokes. I would think that is inaccurate from my observations. I think that only 20 percent admit to smoking...anyway, I wrote her a short, not too exciting note. Ice breaker is about it.

You know, I don't know how I would feel if the woman I was actually attracted the most to wrote back. Would I immediately get buyer's remorse? Or would I be thrilled? And if it all came down to, in Joni Mitchell's words "smoking ash" after a bit of communication, would I be happier or sadder in my life? Or in the greater scope of things, does any of it really matter? Anyway...Well, she did write back with a nice letter saying I was too interesting for the point in her life at which she finds herself. Her loss. Next. (Also from an interpersonal communication class I took - a very helpful thing indeed.)

Fourth note - OKC woman - 46 years old - in a town nearby - 93% Match - 87% Friend and 7% Enemy - come on - it doesn't get much better than that. Then again, maybe she only answered 10 questions, so the sample isn't that large...I sent her a decent first note. (She responded...)(A couple of notes and then nothing...)

I decided not to write one of the woman I had tabbed. Moving forward...

And another - because, well, I think she is too country and I am too rock and roll - er urban.

And another not being written to - the match percentages aren't that high and though she has an interesting profile, I just am not feeling it. Perhaps it is because of the pleasant rejection I just received, or maybe I am just not in the mood...

Fifth note - OKC woman who showed up in my quiver - OKC puts 3 people they think are really good matches into a special tab called a quiver. I have found that most of the time, I am not all that thrilled by my quiver-ites. Every once in a while there is a decent one, though. This one was 51 and lives in the big apple - so too far, really. She had a lovely profile and seemed like a person it would be nice to get to know. At the end of her profile, though, she said she would not respond to anyone who had not been married and divorced or who had not had children. I sent her a note anyway, not expecting a reply. We will call this one G&G.

Sixth note - though this is really a second note to someone who didn't respond to my first nice note. Yes, this note was nice too. I don't generally write mean notes - though I am sometimes tempted to. Expectations - not so high, despite high ratings - OKC woman - 47 - not too far - 94% match - 81% Friend and 10% enemy - and she won't even bother to write back, I bet. Yup, working out my frustrations through blogging about them. Yippee!

Ok, going to skip the next one too - I just think she looks too somber. Looks can be deceiving of course, but still...

Seventh Note - POF - 45 year old living not too far away - one word profile text which is a little bit of a warning - meaning that she isn't all that invested in the process. So I doubt I will hear from her.

Eighth Note - Match.com - 49 year old lives not a long way off - I was excited by her profile and pictures and got a little less so after I sent the message. She is also looking for someone secure financially - not me - and from some things in her profile, she is not as free spirited as I thought she was. Oh well. (Wrote a not very clear response note - I got the sense that she wasn't interested in getting to know me better, but I wrote back for clarification)

Just exed another. She looked at my profile and had an empty profile herself. I was tempted, butI just wasn't up for it.

I wrote a second note to a match woman. Match said she looked at my profile again - though I don't know that that is necessarily true. So just a brief note to say I was still interested. Not really holding out much hope, though...