Feb 19

Wow, I have a lot of open tabs. Will I or won't I write to the 15 people or will I whittle away at them as I realize that "correspondence is futile." (Yes, I have been binge watching Star Trek, TNG. Sigh.)

What I did do is send a message to a woman who has been weighing on my mind a bit. I first wrote her on the 17th and although she looked at my profile, a couple of times, she didn't write. Maybe she doesn't like to initiate correspondence. Maybe she is swamped with all of the letters she has been getting. Maybe I really, really seemed icky, gross and disgusting and she couldn't bear the thought of communicating with me. Or maybe, she picked up some vibe from my profile that warned her off. Or maybe one of 8 gazillion reasons. Whatever. Really, what she thinks is none of my business. (This thought, by the way, is from one of the interpersonal training workshops that I have attended over the years. And it is a powerful one. The "take-away" from it is that what other people think or believe or feel really has nothing to do with me. It is all their stuff. And as such (it being their stuff and nor really related to me) is none of my business.) But I drafted a decent second note - even got a second opinion on it, and finally sent it off today. Will I hear back? I hope so. Do I think I will hear back? Nope. Not pessimism - realism. Anyone who is reading this (is anyone reading this?) will have noticed that I get about 1 in ten responses. So the odds are just plain bad that she will respond. Moving on.

I guess part of the issue is just how serious someone is when they say they are willing to just make new friends even if it doesn't lead to a relationship. Generally I have found this to be untrue. Or not untrue exactly, but not something that ever happens. I do my best to keep a correspondence going - or a friendship even. But both a correspondence and a friendship take certain levels of effort and consistency that seems difficult to sustain.

Ok, I would like to write a few messages before going on with other things - I think I will start with the ones that have been "parked" in tabs the longest and move to the newer found ones.

First Note - OKC Woman - 37 years old - 84% Match, 79% Friend, 4% Enemy - that's pretty good, right?! She does say she is bisexual and last time I checked I was one of the two genders. So far, so good. She caps her age limit at 50 but I am well with her distance parameter - maybe. Near Me to one person means 50 yards, to another means 100 miles. Sigh. Anyway, honestly, I think she is looking for a bunch of friends more than she is specifically looking for a relationship at this point. So near me, probably means more like the 50 yards than the hours drive away that I am. Hmm, to write or not to write. Well, I will at least drop her a line. I know I like to get nice emails even if it doesn't lead to a relationship or anything...

Second Note - Match woman - 47 - she had no distance limit mentioned, so I wrote - she hasn't been online in a while - so I don't think that is ever a good sign for getting a response - and she likes some things that might indicate less than optimal matchiness. I just sent her a pleasant note - nothing too fancy.

Third note - Match woman - 53 - not too far away - though her top age limit is 50 - interesting, that. Not much to her profile. And she says she is trying to quit smoking. Sigh. Some survey said that only 20 percent of the population smokes. I would think that is inaccurate from my observations. I think that only 20 percent admit to smoking...anyway, I wrote her a short, not too exciting note. Ice breaker is about it.

You know, I don't know how I would feel if the woman I was actually attracted the most to wrote back. Would I immediately get buyer's remorse? Or would I be thrilled? And if it all came down to, in Joni Mitchell's words "smoking ash" after a bit of communication, would I be happier or sadder in my life? Or in the greater scope of things, does any of it really matter? Anyway...Well, she did write back with a nice letter saying I was too interesting for the point in her life at which she finds herself. Her loss. Next. (Also from an interpersonal communication class I took - a very helpful thing indeed.)

Fourth note - OKC woman - 46 years old - in a town nearby - 93% Match - 87% Friend and 7% Enemy - come on - it doesn't get much better than that. Then again, maybe she only answered 10 questions, so the sample isn't that large...I sent her a decent first note. (She responded...)(A couple of notes and then nothing...)

I decided not to write one of the woman I had tabbed. Moving forward...

And another - because, well, I think she is too country and I am too rock and roll - er urban.

And another not being written to - the match percentages aren't that high and though she has an interesting profile, I just am not feeling it. Perhaps it is because of the pleasant rejection I just received, or maybe I am just not in the mood...

Fifth note - OKC woman who showed up in my quiver - OKC puts 3 people they think are really good matches into a special tab called a quiver. I have found that most of the time, I am not all that thrilled by my quiver-ites. Every once in a while there is a decent one, though. This one was 51 and lives in the big apple - so too far, really. She had a lovely profile and seemed like a person it would be nice to get to know. At the end of her profile, though, she said she would not respond to anyone who had not been married and divorced or who had not had children. I sent her a note anyway, not expecting a reply. We will call this one G&G.

Sixth note - though this is really a second note to someone who didn't respond to my first nice note. Yes, this note was nice too. I don't generally write mean notes - though I am sometimes tempted to. Expectations - not so high, despite high ratings - OKC woman - 47 - not too far - 94% match - 81% Friend and 10% enemy - and she won't even bother to write back, I bet. Yup, working out my frustrations through blogging about them. Yippee!

Ok, going to skip the next one too - I just think she looks too somber. Looks can be deceiving of course, but still...

Seventh Note - POF - 45 year old living not too far away - one word profile text which is a little bit of a warning - meaning that she isn't all that invested in the process. So I doubt I will hear from her.

Eighth Note - Match.com - 49 year old lives not a long way off - I was excited by her profile and pictures and got a little less so after I sent the message. She is also looking for someone secure financially - not me - and from some things in her profile, she is not as free spirited as I thought she was. Oh well. (Wrote a not very clear response note - I got the sense that she wasn't interested in getting to know me better, but I wrote back for clarification)

Just exed another. She looked at my profile and had an empty profile herself. I was tempted, butI just wasn't up for it.

I wrote a second note to a match woman. Match said she looked at my profile again - though I don't know that that is necessarily true. So just a brief note to say I was still interested. Not really holding out much hope, though...