March 16

This feeling rarely comes and when it does it goes fairly quickly.

Last night I got a bit, not depressed, that isn't the word. Hmm, let me explain how I felt and maybe that will get me to the word. I was working at a concert at The Smith. By the way, I have had this feeling before, and I might have written about it, so if this is all repetitive, oh well. I feel like I need to write this again. This is after all a way for me to get my thoughts and feelings out while also making me believe I am doing something creative, fighting entropy and indolence in my own little way...

Where was I? Oh, yes, at the Smith. I can't remember if The ought to be capitalized, or Not. I am thinking it ought to be, yes, digressing...

All theses people, many of whom were women. Lots of couples. Some people I knew, others I had seen before, lots of new to me people. And I couldn't tell, from a glance or two, who I thought was attractive in a potentially romantic partner sort of way. I had doubts that I would ever be able to find someone with whom to share a part of our lives. I couldn't figure out if any effort I made was going to make any difference. Ennui perhaps? But stronger than that. More of a sense of futility and forlornness. But nothing that made me want to crawl under a rock and putrefy. And it passed. Mostly. I did a bit of smile therapy - tried to look and force a feeling of enjoying myself into my body - and it worked. Mostly.

I think it was finally coming down from a smoothie induced natural sugar high. (Ok, I don't really, though I do know that my mood is often affected by the food I eat (or don't eat).) And I know who I blame for that...

See, I do feel better - even better today. Hope is, once again, springing from despair!

First note - I didn't think I would actually send any notes today - but I got over that feeling - OKC  45 - too far away so G&G - 85% Match 70% Friend 13% Enemy

Second note - POF - 50 year old - lives in Brooklyn but didn't seem to be interested in someone just near to her. Anyway, very appealing profile. I think I wrote an excellent note.