Anatomy of an online miss

This is the anatomy of one of my "relationships" on the internet. The same sort of thing has happened quite a few times, where I communicate with a person for a while and then suddenly there is an implosion and what seemed like a promising connection evaporates. I am sure it is mostly me, since I am always one part of the equation. That being said, I do like to spread the blame around - makes life a little more palatable when I don't consider myself to be soley responsible for every thing that happens in the Universe (even when, depending on one's philosophy, I really am).

I do want to say that the other person in this narrative is undoubtedly a great person in her own right. With her own issues, strengths and weaknesses. I am trying not to be vituperative or trying to assassinate anyone's character. I am trying to write an impartial (well, my own flavored sort of impartiality) account of one particular relationship.

A while ago (beginning of March?), I wrote a note to someone sort of close but relatively far. Surprisingly, she wrote back. Yes, I am always surprised when someone writes back. As those who have read this blog so far, the math shows that I am right to be surprised when I get a response of any kind, much less one where the other person is actually interested in communicating and perhaps getting to know me better.

Thus began a limited engagement. Since she lived around 5 hours driving in one direction, meeting would take time and planning. Her coming to visit me was pretty unlikely since she had pets and didn't drive. I would have been happy to do what I have done before in similar situations - go and pick her (and her little dog)(yes, she was witchy)(in a good way) up and bring her back to stay here for a week or two. That would have taken real planning on her part (which she seemed to make no move to do). So it was all on me. I had made such a plan to make the time to go visit her. And I was happy to do it. Anyway, in the meantime, we only had electronic means of communication at our disposal. Turns out, her only functional tool was a smart phone. Her computer didn't have a camera or the whole thing didn't work or both. I am still unclear what the issue was there.

We started, as many such things start, with lots of frequent emails to one another. Her thumbing her way through messages - two thumbs type faster than one, apparently - and I writing most of my messages on my computer. At some point she suggested a call. I agreed, reluctantly.

Let me tell you about me and phone calls, especially in this cellular age. I have an older ATT 3gs iPhone. The cellular reception I have had for the past 14 years - a few here and the rest in North Carolina, has been spotty at best. Conversations are iffy, usually. I hate having a conversation and having to continually say "what was that, you were cutting out" or "sorry, I didn't hear what you said" etc. The less than stellar connection is only the first part of that. There is the added difficulty of not knowing the other person's speech patterns or intonations. You know when you watch a British show on TV - it can sometimes take a few minutes to acclimate your ear to what they are saying. And forget about any slang or references to things that are familiar to them. Cultural differences. Those frustrate me on the phone as well. Lastly, I don't think I hear as well as I could. Perhaps because of the long hair...Anyway, after we have met and we are continuing to get to know each other, I am much more comfortable with talking on the phone.

Next, I don't like talking on the phone around other people - I find it rude. My mom is always around. And she has selectively excellent hearing. I can sneeze in the back office and mom will hear it in her bedroom and call out to ask me what is going one! Ok, that might be a slight exaggeration (but not by much). Often when I am on the phone, she will a) think I am talking to her or b) stand and try to talk to me or listen in on the conversation. Not pleasant. So, if I want to talk with someone on the phone, I prefer to do it after mom is settled for the night - or when I am out and about.

Oh, according to the witchy woman, people who don't like to talk on the phone are hiding something. Apparently she couldn't call me because her plan sucked for calling the US. If calling was so important, I would think she would make the effort to call, whatever it took. But she didn't.

We did end up speaking on the phone once. A very pleasant conversation, I thought - despite the glitchy connection and the other awkwardnesses. Interestingly, the first time I called, she didn't answer. Even though we had planned it. She said she didn't think I was going to call and when I did, she didn't feel like talking. And a second time, I called, and she had had a hard day didn't feel like answering, even though we had planned it. What kind of crap is that? Two "dates" blown off. Definitely huge red flags there.

Speaking of red flags, she refused to take pictures of herself and send them to me. I wasn't asking for racy pictures - though I wouldn't have been offended if I had gotten any (I loved the way she said she dressed). But the picture on the website where I met her was fuzzy and dark (and 7 years old). She did send one picture of herself - even worse in resolution and clarity than the one she had on the website. Funny how pictures of things in her apartment turned out fine, but pictures of her didn't. I guess she didn't have a mirror and couldn't manage a selfie. Red flag anyone?

Then, we had a great day - in my opinion - chatting online - well, swapping messages back and forth, all day. She too agreed it was fun. Then silence. Nothing at all for an entire day. Keep in mind, please, that our primary method of communication was messages. Since we were planning to see each other in April, I felt that we should communicate as much as possible up until then. Keep each other fresh in our minds. Connect. She rarely, if ever, initiated a conversation. And she was abysmal at asking me questions, which to me always feels like a lack of interest. I didn't write her for a day because I wanted to see if she would initiate conversation. She didn't. So I sent a nice little note. Nothing. Next morning, another little note. That afternoon, another. Evening, another. The next morning, I wrote saying I was worried. She eventually wrote back that I was a drama queen and this wasn't working for her. I wrote her a note that said "Hi Xxxxx, Bye Xxxxx." She defriended me on Facebook a few hours later.

Such is life. Such are many of my experiences on the internet. Rock on Garth!